Incoming
There has been a critical error on your website. Not for much longer.
thrown in /home/you/public_html/wp-includes/everything.php on line 0
- Dispatch received. A senior architect is on it, not a ticket queue.
- Two emergency slots a day. When they are taken, they are taken.
- 19 years on WordPress. US based. Army veteran. No agency between us.
- $97 diagnosis, prepaid. You know exactly what broke before you commit to a fix.
- Flat $497. Resolved same day on most issues. Double after 4 PM Central and on Saturdays.
No contract to sign. No discovery call. No free lunch either. You talk to the person doing the work, every time.
White screen, black screen
Blank.
No error. No log line.
No idea what changed.
Orders stopped 40 minutes ago.
Cause found: fatal in a plugin that auto updated.
Staged: rollback and a clean restore point.
Verified: checkout, forms, mail.
Status: back online.
What comes across the wire
- HTTP 500
- Internal server error, whole site refusing to load
- WSOD
- White screen, no output, no error shown to anyone
- FATAL
- Critical error after a core, plugin, or PHP update
- MALWARE
- Injected redirects, spam pages, Google blacklist warning
- 502 / 504
- Gateway timeouts, site collapsing under normal traffic
- CHECKOUT
- WooCommerce orders failing or silently not completing
- MIGRATION
- A move that wiped the site or left it half here, half there
- SUSPENDED
- Host pulled you offline and will not put you back
Terms, stated up front
Prepaid. You get the cause in plain English and a flat quote to fix it. Accept the quote and the $97 comes straight off the price.
The common ones. Fatal errors, white screens, broken updates, checkout failures. Resolved same day on most issues.
Hacked, blacklisted, wiped, or suspended. Cleanup, restore, and hardening so it does not happen again next week.
Position, not labor. Answered first, scheduled first, environment already mapped. Three tiers to $1,997. Cloudflare, Kinsta, and Kadence required. Repairs quoted separately.
Clean and stable in 24 hours or your money back.
Two emergency slots a day, taken in the order they are paid. Work started after 4 PM Central or on a Saturday bills at double. Most resolve same day. Host, registrar, and DNS failures outside my control are identified in diagnosis and quoted separately.